Girl Gone Goa

Travel, sex, magic, and cycling in an Indian state

A single woman’s dilemma February 9, 2009

Eat, Pray, Love? More like Eat, Cycle, and (eventually) Love

where good vegetables go bad

Goa: where good vegetables go bad

A few readers have complained that my blog has “Travel” and “Magic” but – with the exception of “Bicycles and Bare Breasts” (which is not about breasts at all) – not enough “Sex” stories.

There’s an obvious reason for this – I’m not getting any – but it’s more complicated than that. First, some history…

Ten years ago, I cycled solo through Thailand and Laos. I didn’t have sex with anyone because I had a boyfriend to whom I swore I’d be loyal. But I did see other peoples’ “sex”. A Thai petrol-seller told me about a French man who started a family with her then fled back to Europe; a Thai glass blower told be how he had many “sisters” (mistresses), and asked if I’d like to be one too?; a German woman told me a Thai man had pursued her endlessly then dumped her when she “put out”; a British man told me how easy it was to find a Thai “girlfriend” for the price of a pair of branded running shoes.

Sex is a part of a traveller’s experience, even when you’re not having any. I’ll keep my ears open for other people’s stories, but until then I figure I have one of six options for sex if I want to experience it before I leave:

1. Casual sex with a foreigner

This is easy: put on a hot dress, head to the tourist beach nightclubs in Baga or Anjuna and wait. It’s like shooting fish in a barrel. The thing is, I was born in 1961 and turned legal in the disco era – I’ve been there, done that and really, there’s no adventure to it. It’s just tawdry.

2. Committed sex with a foreigner

This is trickier. He would have to be a long-stay visitor like myself and be similarly interested in a long-term, invested relationship. There would have to be enough chemistry and compatibility to transcend our time in Goa. But I’m open to that. Richard Branson, I await you.

3. Casual sex with a Goan

This is an issue of age as well as culture. Indian men my age are married, have let themselves go, and I don’t play with married men. A younger man is sweet, clean and handsome but if his mother finds out, she’ll pull a few strings at the immigration office and have me deported. Seriously.

4. Committed sex with a Goan

Since Indians my age are married, my only choice would be someone older, like a widower. This would be unworkable because I’m not into older men (I’ll have to get over that, eventually).

5. Casual sex with a Westernized Goan

He’s in Goa either because he’s visiting friends, family and his ancestral home (see 3), or he’s cruising tourist beach nightclubs (see 1). No thanks!

6. Committed sex with a Westernized Goan

Like (2), this is a good scenario, but difficult and requiring patience and investment. He either lives here after having built a life elsewhere; or he is a long-stay visitor who splits his time between Goa and his adopted country. France? Spain? Switzerland? Another good possibility.

Because I’m older and wiser, I’m willing to wait to have a relationship with the right person – in Goa or not. That means no nightclubs (unless it’s to hear a band or socialize with friends), no married men (you know who you are), no young men (darn) and a lot of patience.

Until then, I’ll do what I’ve always done: explore, learn, chat and – to paraphrase Elizabeth Gilbert’s wonderful book – Eat, Cycle, and (eventually) Love .